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Wide Awake, Dreaming

I hope I never forget these days. In fact, I’ll be careful to make sure that I don’t. I may not have all of the money that I need or desire right now, BUT I am fully confident that I will attract, work for, earn, grow, keep, be gifted with and otherwise come to a place of full financial abundance. I did not always believe that, so I am grateful – even now before it fully manifests – for the belief. I know it will happen for me. I won’t stop until it does.

I’d love to be able to do more with and for my two young sons. While I am working to be able to realize that, I am so glad that they exist, they are mine, they are healthy and happy and loving and loved. I remember when I cried and hurt so much after loosing my first son, that I thought I may never have children. I’m so thankful for the two bright, blessed boys I have. . . Autism, endless-energy, and all. That thankfulness helps remind me to make the most of what we do have together. Fun can be free. The memories are still priceless.

My husband & I have things to improve upon, sure. A healthy marriage is not an easy undertaking. To be honest, I never considered myself the kind of person who felt I needed to be in a relationship to be happy. I always wanted children but didn’t think the family packaged deal was necessary. Thank goodness I don’t know everything. Even at our temporary low points, my husband is just what I need. He sees good things in me that I would shy away from if it wasn’t for his relentless reminders. I’m glad to have him, specifically. We make each other want to be our best selves. That is not small.

As I reflect, I’m in a place of transition. While the most glaring aspect of that transition – tangibly – is the monetary issues my family is facing, the non-tangible to me has become more important. The mindset. It’s my mental and spiritual bank that I am focusing on and feeding while I prepare for the money I know is coming because I’ve been believing and working my tail off for it. I’ve had money before. I’ll have money again. The difference will be that this time I’ll know the money dd not create my happiness, because I am happy today even without it. It’s my mindset that I can thank for that. And I won’t forget, again. I’m not just dreaming about what I want in the future. I’m wide awake to what it will take to get AND stay there.

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